Funny Work Jokes

How To Burn Calories At Work Joke

2009-01-05T15:26:00.000-08:00

Burn Calories and Fat at work without doing any physical activity.

Beating around the bush - 75

Jumping to conclusions - 100

Climbing the walls - 150

Swallowing your pride - 50

Passing the buck - 25

Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight) - 50-300

Dragging your heels - 100

Pushing your luck - 250

Making mountains out of molehills - 500

Hitting the nail on the head - 50

Wading through paperwork - 300

Bending over backwards - 75

Jumping on the bandwagon - 200

Balancing the books - 25

Running around in circles - 350

Eating crow - 225

Tooting your own horn - 25

Climbing the ladder of success - 750

Pulling out the stops - 75

Adding fuel to the fire - 160

Wrapping it up at the day's end - 12

Opening a can of worms - 50

Putting your foot in your mouth - 300

Starting the ball rolling - 90

Going over the edge - 25

Picking up the pieces after - 350

Funny Software Engineers on a Plane

2009-01-05T15:22:00.000-08:00

At a recent software engineering management course in the US the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.

With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

Funny Coporate America Joke

2009-01-05T15:14:00.000-08:00

You Know You Work in Coporate America if:

You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.

Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um.

You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes.

When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

You learn about your layoff on CNN.

Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.

You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.

You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.

It's dark when you drive to and from work.

Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.

Communication is something your group is having problems with.

You see a good looking person and know they're a visitor.

Free food left over from meetings is your main staple of your diet.

Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home.

Art involves a white board.